Marimo!
by Pumpkin Zucchini
Summary: Proof that there is a such thing as too much Zoro.


So what if the entire crew was like Zoro? (Well, more like his bad-tempered omake counterpart actually).  
And because that is the case for this story, everyone has green hair.  
And everyone's OOC.  
(No, seriously).

* * *

"Oi, seaweed head, you overslept!" Nami yelled.

"You're being too noisy again, shrub!" Robin smacked Nami. They began to fight, shouting obscenities at each other and generally making a huge ruckus.

"SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" Usopp threw his lamp at the ceiling. He pulled his blanket over his head.

"Oh shit, I've gotta make breakfast!" Sanji leapt out of bed, his green hair resembling a haystack.

"Hurry up, I'm starving!" Luffy groaned before turning over and going back to sleep.

"Oi, idiots, wake up!" Zoro appeared at the door, scowling. All the boys cussed in slurred voices at him and demanded that he close the door. Zoro rolled his eyes and went from bed to bed, kicking each of the Strawhats.

"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MARIMO?" Franky yelled angrily.

"WHO YOU CALLIN' MARIMO, PINEAPPLE?" Zoro shouted back.

"Hey, idiots, breakfast is ready!" Sanji shouted.

"ABOUT TIME!" Everyone yelled, storming to the galley. Nami and Robin were already there, sleeping at the table. Once the male Strawhats sat down, they snoozed off as well. None of them noticed that Sanji was taking a nap in a chair beside the stove.

"Whu- oh, shit!" Sanji shook his head vigorously. The pot on the stove was bubbling over and the frying pan was on fire. He quickly fixed up the food as best he could and threw them onto plates, some of it ending up on the counter and on his shirt.

"That looks like shit, grass-head!" Usopp exclaimed, jerking upright as Sanji dropped the plates on the table.

"Like you could cook any better, bushes!" Sanji spat, sitting down beside Nami. He half-grinned, half-glared at her. "Do you like the food, witch?"

"Ptttheeeh!" Nami spewed out her mouthful of egg- or was it bread- across the table into Brook's face. "It tastes like rotten fruit and SHIT!"

"What?" Sanji sampled some of Nami's dish. He promptly spat it out as well.

"Please refrain from spitting in my face, assholes!" Brook wiped himself off with his napkin.

"BLEEEGH!" Luffy shouted angrily, shoveling food in his mouth. "IT TASTES AWFUL!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU EATING IT, IDIOT?" Chopper yelled.

"I'M HUNGRY, MOLD-DEER!" Luffy answered, never breaking his pace.

Robin woke up and scowled. "Where's the goddamn sake?"

"SAKE!" Everyone else roared in agreement.

"'THAKEY!" Luffy shouted, spraying Franky and Zoro with whatever he had eaten. He stretched his arms out to the fridge- which was curiously laying on its side- and pulled out a couple eight-packs of alcohol.

"SAKE!" Everyone grabbed for the bottles.

-X-

It was odd how the nine pirates managed to survive together on a ship without killing or maiming each other. They certainly got in many fights among themselves, usually over inane matters such as being too noisy or annoying, but the green-furred doctor always patched them up while simultaneously yelling and hitting them for getting hurt, which usually resulted in even _more _wounds.

_Which _would end up with yet another fight and Chopper shouting that they were out of goddamn bandages.

-X-

"Sir, we've found the Strawhats' ship." Tashigi gasped, running to Smoker. Smoker sighed and put down his newspaper and margarita. So much for a peaceful day.

"Let's see." Smoker took the telescope from Tashigi and looked out. Sure enough, the Thousand Sunny was drifting around not far from Smoker's ship. The green-haired crewmembers were sprawled all around the deck. Smoker blinked. "What? They look like they're fucking _sleeping_."

"Exactly! It's a perfect opportunity to apprehend them, sir!" Tashigi said excitedly. Smoker sighed.

"Very well. Oi, steer us North." Smoker called to the helmsman. The Marine ship sailed up beside the Thousand Sunny in a matter of minutes. Smoker quietly signaled for his men to board the pirate ship, hanging behind on his own ship. Tashigi stood beside him, gripping her sword with anticipation. Was this the day they were finally going to capture the elusive Strawhat Pirates?

"YOU BASTARDS ARE BEING TOO NOISY!" Suddenly, all of hell broke loose. All of the seemingly-knocked out pirates had suddenly awakened without warning, clearly pissed off at being woken up.

"I need my beauty nap, idiot!" Nami whacked a Marine over the head with her climatact.

"I'll kick your asses." Robin growled, holding several Marines in a many-armed headlock.

"SHIT-HEADS RUINED MY SLEEP!" Sanji yelled, his legs a blur.

"RAAAAGH!" Chopper roared, charging into a group of helpless Marines.

"Yoho, assholes! I'll spill your guts!" Brook laughed madly.

"Che, you guys are stupid." Zoro snorted. He and Brook took out their swords and took out their attackers.

"Hn." Smoker frowned. He was just about to turn into smoke when a pellet exploded at his feet, engulfing him and Tashigi in an awful smelling cloud.

Usopp grinned and waved his slingshot.

"GO AWAY AND LET US SLEEP, DAMMIT!" Luffy screamed, sweeping his arm across the deck and sending all the Marines flying overboard. His own crewmates ducked and jumped narrowly in time to avoid his attack.

"WATCH IT, IDIOT!" Franky shouted.

"DON'T GET IN MY WAY THEN, PINEAPPLE!"

"_MY _WAY, WEED-HEAD?"

"YEAH!"

"Let's just go." Smoker muttered to Tashigi, both of them coughing and backing away. "We can get them another day when they're _not _sleeping."

-X-

There was a rumor circulating around a small area of the Grand Line that an entire town had been leveled when some bounty hunters had disturbed the Strawhats while they were drinking at a bar.

If there were any witnesses to confirm the whispers, they didn't say anything.

Probably out of fear, or something.

-X-

The ship was relatively calm later that afternoon. Usopp, Sanji, Brook, Luffy and Franky were sleeping somewhere on the ship and Nami was trying to figure out _where the hell_ they were, muttering something about terrible maps and broken Log Poses.

"Gah, shit!" Zoro coughed blood. He carefully set his weight down to cough some more, pounding at his chest with one fist.

"Tough up, Zoro!" Chopper barked, bench-pressing several tons in Heavy Point. Robin, who was meditating not far from them, smirked ever so slightly.

"I'm more manly than you, Chopper!" Zoro shouted.

"Yeah?" Chopper stood up and loomed above Zoro.

"Yeah!" Zoro glared up at him. The two bashed foreheads, each attempting to intimidate the other.

"Stop being so noisy, assholes." Robin said, never opening her eyes or moving a muscle. Chopper and Zoro grumbled and returned to their own workouts.

-X-

It was a miracle that the Strawhat crew even _made _it to the Grand Line, considering their general lack of navigational skills. The only one who had even the slightest sense of direction was the younger green-headed girl, Nami, and still they could never figure out where they were.

According to one witness, once the Strawhats had somehow sailed to the West Blue, then directly to the Grand Line (how they skipped past the Calm Belt was beyond anyone), over to the New World for a brief three hours, all the way back to East Blue, and back to the Grand Line.

Needless to say, Luffy was pretty pissed that they were in the New World and no one even realized it until they were back where they started that morning.

It was all very odd.


End file.
